I am lucky to have a broken heart

October 10, 2017 No Comments

I am lucky to have a broken heart.

I am lucky to have a broken heart Journal Watercolors watercolor artist thankfulness puerto rico photo blogger law of attraction inspirational gratitude broken heart artist blogger

I am lucky to have fallen so in love with someone and to have my heart broken into a million pieces. Lady luck was looking out for me. The fact that I had to finally walk away from a toxic person that I loved is a blessing.

Because the reality is, it can be so much worse considering the world right now.

While I am sitting here in the comfort of my workout clothes crying about my sad, broken heart…

People are crying over the fact that their loved one left to go to a country music festival and ended up in a pile of bodies. They are holding on to their lives in the hospital because they took a bullet while singing their hearts out to Jason Aldean. There is a child sitting terrified at the memories of watching people get shot around them while they were enjoying their family’s time together at a country music festival.

There are people that in just a matter of hours lost their entire home, possessions, pets and are left with nowhere to go. People burned alive today because they were trapped and could not escape in time. People’s lifelong businesses are nothing but ash. Families are scared to fall asleep tonight in fear that the fires will find them in the night.

The whole damn island of Puerto Rico is fighting for their lives.

So yes, I am so grateful to have my heart be completely broken right now. In a world where so many people are feeling absolutely hopeless, I have the ability to be filled with such hope.

I am selling various prints to go to charities on Etsy.

Puerto Rico Fine art Photograph print

Las Vegas Print Set

Journal, Watercolors

Finding inspiration when you are down in the dumps

July 28, 2017 No Comments

Finding inspiration when you are down in the dumps Journal Watercolors self love positive thinking law of attraction injury recovery injury disney watercolor disney fan art cinderella books to read for motivation books to read for inspiration books for artists artist blog artist

Oops I did it again.

I injured myself. A painful, terrible injury in my lower back and hip. Injuries are no biggie until it makes it so I cant create. Editing, painting, drawing…. all things that really revolved a desk. Poof! Gone.

When you can’t create how do you stay inspired? How do you get excited about your days when the very thing that you live for is gone? Rather than just focusing on how much pain you are in and wallowing in depression?

Well… sometimes you just don’t.

I am sure you were expecting something else. But I have a point, I promise you.

Sometimes you just give in to the fact that you are in pain. You accept it. You cry it out. You feel like punching the wall because you are so frustrated that you are basically confined to a couch. The the only way you can do what you love is by laying paints out on your bed and hurting your knees while you try to paint as you use your bed as a kneeling desk. And that then hurts you so damn much you have to quit as well.

Your energy is in the wrong place. Your energy needs to be on loving your body and healing it.

Always choose the path of least resistance. In this case – rather than focusing on the fact that you cannot create or be inspired, distract yourself from it. Stop focusing on your lack. What can you possibly do while being unable to create all the art going on in your head?

Once I got out of my own damn way and started focusing on healing, I figured out a few things to really help me keep inspired and excited. But damn, I really needed to get through my self-loathing, I hate everything bull crap. Just feel the feelings and let that shit go.

Read. Read. READ.
I needed a distraction while I was hurt. So I loaded up several books on my kindle that kept the inspiration going. Gave me the hope that in the end of this awful injury that it was going to be ok. That I wasn’t running out of life and time to make the art I wanted.Most of these are memoirs or inspirational books. It really helped me look forward to applying what I learned in these books to my life once I was all healed and ready.
A few books that really helped me include :
Declutter your mind
Never Broken : Songs are only half the story
The 5 Love languages
The Tao of Willie
You are a Badass
Keep a journal of things you want to create.
Excitement is what kept me from going insane. It’s what keeps most people from mulling over in their heads all the things that are upsetting them. So I carried a little notebook with me. Each time I had the urge to paint and had this incredible idea, I wrote it down. New blog idea? Write it down. New business venture? I took the time to write a business plan.

Now that I am healed I have all these incredible plans to start tackling. They are what kept me from going insane when bedridden!
Be grateful for every moment that the pain is gone.
This is one of the harder things that I had to force myself to do. Each time I noticed that my back and hip were in no pain whatsoever, I told myself how grateful I was to be in a pain-free body. I would literally take a deep breath in and feel gratitude for the fact my body was giving me a damn break from feeling like shit. It really is true the things that you feel gratitude towards, you get more of. So get to being damn grateful.
Watch Disney movies.
It makes everyone feel better.
Take time to reflect and write to people you’ve been meaning to for years.
Remember that family member you have been too busy to check in on? Call them.
Remember all of those business contacts that you have been too busy to email (you can do it from your phone, people!) to remind them that you exist? Email them. Remind them of your existence and they will remember how awesome you are. Trade ideas. Prep for building an empire.
How about that friend that you had a messy break up with years ago? Take time to reflect on if you miss them or not. What did you do wrong? What great things did they bring to your life? Send them a message to put out that olive branch. Forgiveness and love feel great for the soul.

We are dealt our blows to learn a lesson. Sometimes the lesson is that you need to sit the hell down and observe more. Thanks, back injury. I’ve achieved a lot in this time that you’ve made me artistically useless.

Stay inspired. xo

Journal, Watercolors

The people you love will change you

March 23, 2017 No Comments

The truth to this is heavy.

We crash into each other. Just one day we are going about our business and we meet these connections in our lives. It could take years from the moment of meeting, but eventually we fall in love with those people in some way shape or form. Through those relationships we grow together. We grow apart. Sometimes we collide in such a way that the bond is broken.

I find myself completely changed by each of these connections. Whether I loved them for a moment, or my entire life. Whether I broke their heart or they broke mine.

Some changes have harmful. Some changes have changed the entire way my heart works. There have been many days that have passed in my 30 years that I was bitter about the way people I loved had changed me. As time has passed and I’ve matured into a woman I’ve learned that it all happened for a reason. I am grateful for all of the changes. Because as of right now I am truly happy for the first time in my life.

So truly happy. I may not have a lot of money right now. I may have a broken heart. I may miss a lot of people that have come and gone from my life. I may not have my dream body yet. But right now is good enough for me. I feel like I have spent most of my life in this fog of uncertainty and now I can finally see that God damn beautiful sun.

I am fucking happy. And that is awesome.

Watercolors

Willie Nelson Watercolor and the lessons Willie teaches me

February 22, 2017 No Comments

I grew up on country music and art. It’s always been the thing that really drives me. I suppose country music really opened my heart up to story telling and how to do that through art. It inspired me to write. It inspired me to feel the feelings.

People say it’s all so depressing. But that’s how you get your feelings out : Sometimes you have to get a little sad. I feel like in order to really evolve in life you need to feel your feelings. That is where country music comes in. You can get a good cry out listening to such songs like “Always on my Mind” but after the feelings are out, you have the uplifting words of “On the Road again” to get yourself back on track. To get you back on the road to evolving.

One of my favorite Country music artists is Willie Nelson. Not just for his music, but his words. If you are looking for a change in your life and are in need of a little hope, The Tao of Willie is a great book to pick up. His words are inspiring. Many of his words have really helped me through these last few months of growth.

“We create our own unhappiness. The purpose of suffering is to help us understand we are the ones who cause it.”

I felt the urge to create a portrait piece. It’s only fitting that my first journey into portrait painting would be the incredible Willie Nelson. It was definitely a difficult learning curve. Using some new paint brushes, inks, and hours of Willie Nelson playing into the midnight hours. I’ve never taken a class in watercolors. The most art classes I’ve been in was an art class in high school. I definitely went into this with a blind fold on just throwing down paint and hoping for the best.

The abstract quality to watercolor is what amazes me. You can make a portrait so realistic… yet still add magic to it. It becomes surreal. A basic portrait turns into something completely different from the original reference photo. The freedom that comes with watercolor is truly therapeutic. Literally making “happy mistakes” (Thanks, Bob Ross!) and creating something beautiful from it. Splashing random black inks and watercolors.

Something that I love about Willie Nelson that seems to be a theme in his life is to simply be grateful and happy. It’s something I have struggled with. Staying in victim mode and milking my pain to all that would listen. Re-energizing the pain. That was my life. Until I decided it wasn’t working for me in the last 30 years of my life. So maybe good Ol’ Willie might have it right.

And he sure as hell does have it right.

I have a lot to be thankful for. My home. My ridiculously amazing family. This talent that God gave me. The music that helps me cope. My friends. Good Whiskey. Life is awesome because I choose it to be. Thanks for the advice, Good Ol’ Willie.

If you are interested in picking up a print, be sure to check it out in my Etsy store.

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.”