I am lucky to have a broken heart

I am lucky to have a broken heart.

I am lucky to have a broken heart Journal Watercolors  watercolor artist thankfulness puerto rico photo blogger law of attraction inspirational gratitude broken heart artist blogger

I am lucky to have fallen so in love with someone and to have my heart broken into a million pieces. Lady luck was looking out for me. The fact that I had to finally walk away from a toxic person that I loved is a blessing.

Because the reality is, it can be so much worse considering the world right now.

 

While I am sitting here in the comfort of my workout clothes crying about my sad, broken heart…

People are crying over the fact that their loved one left to go to a country music festival and ended up in a pile of bodies. They are holding on to their lives in the hospital because they took a bullet while singing their hearts out to Jason Aldean. There is a child sitting terrified at the memories of watching people get shot around them while they were enjoying their family’s time together at a country music festival.

There are people that in just a matter of hours lost their entire home, possessions, pets and are left with nowhere to go. People burned alive today because they were trapped and could not escape in time. People’s lifelong businesses are nothing but ash. Families are scared to fall asleep tonight in fear that the fires will find them in the night.

The whole damn island of Puerto Rico is fighting for their lives.

So yes, I am so grateful to have my heart be completely broken right now.  In a world where so many people are feeling absolutely hopeless, I have the ability to be filled with such hope.

 

I am selling various prints to go to charities on Etsy.

Puerto Rico Fine art Photograph print 

Las Vegas Print Set 

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Newest pet portraits of August!

Holy Moly. I had no idea these little paintings would take off so well! I want to thank everyone who has commissioned me for pet portraits in the last few months. It’s been a great little project that has brought me some joy in the last few months.  There’s a nice challenge to make the pet really look like that exact pet…. being they are covered in fur and look quite similar and all.

I generally ask for a few images of the loved fur baby. A few different angles and shots to show an overall look. Then I choose the photo that has the most animated facial expressions and starts the sketching.  I feel like I have done pretty well capturing the individual likenesses of their owners.

Newest pet portraits of August! Watercolors  watercolor artist pet portraits creative blogger artist blogger

Miss Kitty

Sweet little Miss Kitty is my darling friend Stephanie‘s cat. She recently had to be put down from a chronic illness a few months ago. I felt so willing to do so when Stephanie requested I paint her dealy departed tiny roommate.

The actual painting is all pretty and metallic from using Prima Marketing 590260 Watercolor Confection: Shimmering LightsNewest pet portraits of August! Watercolors  watercolor artist pet portraits creative blogger artist blogger   . I was skeptical when I purchased these if they would really give much of a sheen or if they would be overkill. They are just the perfect amount of shimmer!

Newest pet portraits of August! Watercolors  watercolor artist pet portraits creative blogger artist blogger

Bella

Bella was a sweet gift one of my bride’s commissioned from me as a mother’s day gift. This sweet Pomeranian pup named Bella was so much fun to paint. That white soft fur was giving me a lot of enjoyment out of picking different colors and textures. I used my Uni-Ball UM 153 Signo Broad Point Gel Pen – White – Pack of 3Newest pet portraits of August! Watercolors  watercolor artist pet portraits creative blogger artist blogger    for the final little details. I know a lot of “true” watercolor artists frown upon this. But honestly, I could give a shit. 

Newest pet portraits of August! Watercolors  watercolor artist pet portraits creative blogger artist blogger

Dumbo

This is probably one of my favorite dog portraits I have ever done. And one of the quickest! This little guy only took me about 5 hours to paint. For me…. that’s quick. I am sort of the slowest painter ever and I have just come to accept that about me.

One of my wedding couples that I was photographing had mentioned that their sweet doggy, Dumbo had passed away. When I chatted on the phone with her I asked if she could send me photos of all of her fur babies as well as her and her fiance. She included Dumbo in those photos to my delight because it was that doggy I was wanting to paint for them.

After I photographed their engagement session, I decided it was time to give them my gift. I didn’t want to greet them with it in case there were tears and I am so glad I listened to my instincts.

They both started crying upon seeing the painting and I can say I have never felt so good about giving a gift in my life. They loved it so much and I was so happy they loved it rather than thinking I was this weirdo for randomly painting their dearly departed fur baby.

 

Interested in your own pet painting? Contact me for pricing! hello@whiskeyandmagnolias.com

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Finding inspiration when you are down in the dumps

Finding inspiration when you are down in the dumps Journal Watercolors  self love positive thinking law of attraction injury recovery injury disney watercolor disney fan art cinderella books to read for motivation books to read for inspiration books for artists artist blog artist

Oops I did it again.

I injured myself. A painful, terrible injury in my lower back and hip. Injuries are no biggie until it makes it so I cant create. Editing, painting, drawing…. all things that really revolved a desk. Poof! Gone.

When you can’t create how do you stay inspired? How do you get excited about your days when the very thing that you live for is gone?  Rather than just focusing on how much pain you are in and wallowing in depression?

Well… sometimes you just don’t.

I am sure you were expecting something else. But I have a point, I promise you.

Sometimes you just give in to the fact that you are in pain. You accept it. You cry it out. You feel like punching the wall because you are so frustrated that you are basically confined to a couch.  The the only way you can do what you love is by laying paints out on your bed and hurting your knees while you try to paint as you use your bed as a kneeling desk. And that then hurts you so damn much you have to quit as well.

Your energy is in the wrong place. Your energy needs to be on loving your body and healing it.   

Always choose the path of least resistance. In this case – rather than focusing on the fact that you cannot create or be inspired, distract yourself from it. Stop focusing on your lack. What can you possibly do while being unable to create all the art going on in your head?

Once I got out of my own damn way and started focusing on healing, I figured out a few things to really help me keep inspired and excited.  But damn, I really needed to get through my self-loathing, I hate everything bull crap. Just feel the feelings and let that shit go.

  1. Read. Read. READ.
    I needed a distraction while I was hurt. So I loaded up several books on my kindle that kept the inspiration going. Gave me the hope that in the end of this awful injury that it was going to be ok. That I wasn’t running out of life and time to make the art I wanted.Most of these are memoirs or inspirational books. It really helped me look forward to applying what I learned in these books to my life once I was all healed and ready.
    A few books that really helped me include :
    Declutter your mind
    Never Broken : Songs are only half the story
    The 5 Love languages
    The Tao of Willie
    You are a Badass
  2. Keep a journal of things you want to create.

    Excitement is what kept me from going insane. It’s what keeps most people from mulling over in their heads all the things that are upsetting them. So I carried a little notebook with me.  Each time I had the urge to paint and had this incredible idea, I wrote it down. New blog idea? Write it down. New business venture? I took the time to write a business plan.

    Now that I am healed I have all these incredible plans to start tackling. They are what kept me from going insane when bedridden!

  3. Be grateful for every moment that the pain is gone.

    This is one of the harder things that I had to force myself to do. Each time I noticed that my back and hip were in no pain whatsoever, I told myself how grateful I was to be in a pain-free body.  I would literally take a deep breath in and feel gratitude for the fact my body was giving me a damn break from feeling like shit.  It really is true the things that you feel gratitude towards, you get more of. So get to being damn grateful.

  4.  Watch Disney movies.

    It makes everyone feel better.

  5. Take time to reflect and write to people you’ve been meaning to for years.

    Remember that family member you have been too busy to check in on? Call them.
    Remember all of those business contacts that you have been too busy to email (you can do it from your phone, people!) to remind them that you exist? Email them. Remind them of your existence and they will remember how awesome you are. Trade ideas. Prep for building an empire.
    How about that friend that you had a messy break up with years ago? Take time to reflect on if you miss them or not. What did you do wrong? What great things did they bring to your life? Send them a message to put out that olive branch. Forgiveness and love feel great for the soul.

 

We are dealt our blows to learn a lesson. Sometimes the lesson is that you need to sit the hell down and observe more. Thanks, back injury. I’ve achieved a lot in this time that you’ve made me artistically useless.

 

Stay inspired. xo

 

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You gotta love like there’s no such thing as a broken heart

Love sucks. Love in every compacity can really suck. Love means we will eventually end up with a broken heart for one reason or another.  Someone might die that we love. We might start to dislike someone who we once adored. Someone can just walk away from you without reason and leave you crying picking up that broken heart up off the floor.

 

You gotta love like there's no such thing as a broken heart Journal Watercolors  watercolor blogger watercolor artist old dominion country music art blogger

 

I’ve spent most of my relationships running on fear. Friendships and lovers fear was always the driving force. Fear was choking me through every decision I made with people. Would this make them leave? Would this make them think something negative of me? Would the tiniest action I made make them just leave and never look back?

These fears also made me lash out in anger. If I leave first they can’t abandon me. Seemed like a safe route.

It was also a route to a lot of regret and loneliness.  How was I ever to find loving relationships if I didn’t believe it was actually possible? I was confident enough to believe in myself when it came to running a successful business in a competitive market. I was confident enough to believe in everything but my ability to love someone that would love me back.

When I heard “Like there’s no such thing as a broken heart” by Old Dominion it really simplified the path I needed to take. Sometimes it’s just certain words that finally make your brain click. Rather than living in a world of anxiety and distrust, why not just give your heart out because you want to, expecting nothing back?

 

Sure you can get hurt. 

But you know what’s worse than hurt?

 

Regret. 

 

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Blue Jay Watercolor and new experiences

Blue Jay Watercolor and new experiences Journal Watercolors  music guitar playing blue jay spirit animal

I took a chance and decided to go back to my roots.

Recently I have become obsessed. Obsessed with an old love that I fell away from about 13 years ago.

Music and writing. Why did I let it go?  What it all comes down to is my severe insecurity. That I wasn’t smart enough to learn how to play the guitar. That no one would ever listen to me sing a song I wrote because I wasn’t “pretty” enough. While it’s a shame that it took me until now to really look in the mirror and be happy with who I am, I am not looking to hold on to regret.  Better now than never, right?

I’ve been playing guitar for about 4 weeks now. It goes from frustrating to exciting all in one evening. One moment I am wondering if my fingers are even capable of moving in the correct way, and the next I am jamming out and feeling a happiness that I have never felt.

A happiness that is quickly interrupted by me completely ruining my rhythm and failing to switch chords smoothly. But, hey, you can’t become a talented guitar player in 4 weeks, can you?

Blue Jay Watercolor and new experiences Journal Watercolors  music guitar playing blue jay spirit animal

Painting hasn’t been forgotten by me, as sometimes my fingers just can’t handle the guitar anymore. Upon reading about the symbolism of the Blue Jay, I felt compelled to paint a little tribute to the creature who I feel that I can relate to. Clarity, vibrancy, allegiance, curiosity, and determination. At this point in my life, I have come to a certain amount of clarity about there I am going and what I want to achieve. And I am definitely determined enough to beat on this guitar until I get this goal of mine achieved.

 

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The people you love will change you

The people you love will change you Journal Watercolors  watercolor artist san francisco bay area watercolor artist motivational. love law of attraction happiness art blogger

The truth to this is heavy.

We crash into each other. Just one day we are going about our business and we meet these connections in our lives. It could take years from the moment of meeting, but eventually we fall in love with those people in some way shape or form. Through those relationships we grow together. We grow apart. Sometimes we collide in such a way that the bond is broken.

I find myself completely changed by each of these connections. Whether I loved them for a moment, or my entire life. Whether I broke their heart or they broke mine.

Some changes have harmful. Some changes have changed the entire way my heart works. There have been many days that have passed in my 30 years that I was bitter about the way people I loved had changed me. As time has passed and I’ve matured into a woman I’ve learned that it all happened for a reason. I am grateful for all of the changes.  Because as of right now I am truly happy for the first time in my life.

So truly happy.  I may not have a lot of money right now. I may have a broken heart. I may miss a lot of people that have come and gone from my life. I may not have my dream body yet. But right now is good enough for me. I feel like I have spent most of my life in this fog of uncertainty and now I can finally see that God damn beautiful sun.

I am fucking happy. And that is awesome.

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Always be the black sheep

I’ve spent a long time trying to not be seen. As a 5’10” woman who in the 2nd grade was already 5’7″… I always stuck out. It bothered me deeply. I was teased endlessly even when I was a skinny kid for being a “cow” because I was just plain bigger than the rest of the kids my grade. For some reason I let that way of thinking that I needed to be like everyone else become one of my goals.

 

Always be the black sheep Journal Watercolors  watercolor artist original art motivational make your own path black sheep

The world started to mold me, and I allowed it.  From this tall, unique creature my parents were so proud of into a jell-o mold. Why? For what? 

It’s not like when I dressed up in all the white wool that I could blend in. I was still tall. I was still louder than the average person. I still preferred boots and jeans over a short dress and heels. There I was with all this limitless potential to be such a stand out individual and I was wasting it stressing out over being the tall one in the back of the group photo with the girls.

I remember specifically when I was at an artists retreat in 2015 how stressed I was to fit in. All the tiny people with their skinny jeans, saggy beanie hats, vintage sunglasses playing dress up so they could hopefully be asked to have their portrait taken. Instead of taking in the moment of being in this stunning canyon I literally spent the entire trip comparing myself to every other single person there. Why didn’t I look like them? Why wasn’t I one of them?

I spent $1500+ to spend a week dissecting myself and trying to fit in rather than just being who the fuck I was and diving into my creative self. How sad is that? An experience that could have been so inspiring for my soul turned into something that really crushed my self esteem and made me doubt myself more than ever.

We all know who we really are. If you really take the time to step away from social media, step away from the company you keep, and look deep down in what you fantasize doing in your life. There you will find yourself on the big screen of your mind. You will see that person and really love them. But do you let yourself become that person… or do you just let them go and put them back in the box?

Through my whole life I always had a penchant for Rock n’ Roll and Country music. I didn’t like doing my hair too much. I didn’t like frilly nails or heels. There was a point in 2016 where I looked at myself in the mirror and saw so many things I didn’t love.

The irony? The things I didn’t like were things that just weren’t me. But things I thought I needed to fit a mold.

There was my expensive hair extensions that took hours out of my week to maintain. Acrylic nails that I was spending $80 a week on. Uncomfortable pin-up dresses and outfits. Heels that made my feet hurt. Fake eyelashes because the ladies I hung out with wore them so I figured that was how to be beautiful. I even listened the music in my own car that was what they wanted to listen to instead of what I loved.  God damnit Heather, cut off this shit and put on the fucking ‘Stones.

It took rock bottom. But I lost the fake hair. The fake nails. I sold off most of all that uncomfortable shit that I would force myself to wear. I even got rid of the push up bras that lied to the world about my bust size. I put my nerd t-shirts back on. I wore those old boots to every fancy occasion because they were my version of fancy.

Something changed. I looked in the mirror and knew I could go to bed with that person every night. That person was someone I really fucking liked.

Yeah I have lost a lot of friends since I began this transformation. Yes things got really dark for awhile. I felt alone, depressed and isolated. In the end of this transformation though I found something more than just myself.

I found the other black sheep out there. The creators. The free spirits. The believers. The dreamers. They came to me like a magnet. There I was for a moment feeling like I was completely alone in the world listening to the Rolling Stones, Garth Brooks, and embracing my Willie Nelson obsession… when those cool black sheep poked me to take the headphones off and asked me what I was jamming to. And they were into it. And I was into what they had playing in their headphones.

Being the black sheep is awesome. It’s a shame it took me 30 years to realize that’s what I was. But it’s better now than never.

 

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What is a soulmate? It’s not what you think….

What is a soulmate?

What is a soulmate? It's not what you think.... Journal Watercolors  watercolor artist soulmates illustrators astrology

I had the wrong idea of what a soul mate was most of my life. We grow up being told a soul mate is like the Disney movies. Everything is perfect. They are perfect for each other. There’s no fighting. There’s only peace, love, fluff, and talking animals.

I am here to tell you that is utter bullshit. 

Now, I am not saying that soul mates don’t exist. As I truly with all of my heart and soul believe that they do. I am not the cynical one that believes we should just settle for whoever will do. Settle for the first person that can put up with us.  That soulmates don’t exist because there isn’t a single person out there that you won’t have conflict from.

Quite the opposite.

A soul mate is something that will hit you like a hurricane. You will be completely shocked at what to do with yourself when you meet them. What you think will be a normal day will become a day that you will remember for the rest of your life. One moment you are grabbing your favorite coffee from Starbucks, and the next you’re staring at someone and feeling absolutely insane because your heart feels like it will burst. Hands start sweating.  You keep smiling and looking away to keep your cool. This stranger that you always wished they existed is sitting there in front of you. I must be a complete lunatic, you think to yourself while they talk to you.  They talk and your responses can come out effortlessly without overthinking. No strategy game is needed because you feel like you have known this person your entire life.

You have known them. Because you asked for them.

This person will not bring nothing but sunshine into your life. They will make you cry. They will make you doubt yourself. They will shake you to your very core. They will do all this in a way that reaches you deep down into your soul. The experience you hold with them with slide slowly through the cracks of your denial which says “I don’t need to grow”. Those cracks will soon run up the walls and shatter them completely, leaving you vulnerable. And there is something so amazing even though you feel like a complete mess.  What they have done is shown you that you are capable of greatness. That you have such incredible places that you can go, and that you were settling for the mediocrity that you thought was good enough. Your soulmate will not only love you passionately for who you are, but expose to you the amazing person that you can be in the future. They fall in love with the past, the present, and the future. This isn’t to be confused with a terrible connection that breaks you and makes you question your self worth. A soul mate makes you realize your self worth. And makes you realize that you deserve so much more than you are settling for. You deserve to be the greatest version of yourself.

Life can tear you apart. Insecurities. Our damage. The chaos we forge around ourselves to keep our egos safe. If you are lucky that soulmate will always come back to you. And even if you lose them forever, you will be linked forever. Linked forever in a way that you two will never forget.

So I painted that connection. It’s so powerful and I just felt like I had to make a visual representation of it.

You will find your soulmate. They will come at you like a hurricane. I promise you. 

 

For sale on Etsy —-> CLICK HERE

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Finding your personal vision

Here is something all artists can really relate to. How do I find my own personal style?

Step One : Watch tutorials or take classes to learn basic techniques

Step Two : Stop giving a fuck and do what comes to your pretty damn heart.

I’ve spent most of my life an artist. I emulated others. Copied styles. Looked intensely at reference photos. It was a lot, a LOT of fan art from various nerd obsessions that I had acquired over the years.  Photography stole me for the past 7 years, and I dropped the pencil. I sold my brushes. At first I had these wide eyes and photographed from the heart. But the same thing happened to me that happened to my illustrations… I started to lose myself.

I lost myself in the comparisons. For a bit I even concerned myself with other photographer’s work spaces that maybe if I just had that hip, minimalistic office style like it would make me into this cool photographer that they were. Because that is how it works right? Paint my walls white and all of a sudden have a green thumb for all of these perfect plants around my work station that has only 5 items tops on the desk? That would make me turn my black and whites into the exact black and whites that other photographers were doing. That’s how I would get the same amount of likes. I would have 30K instagram followers and they would be asking me for workshops! YES!!!

Turns out, it doesn’t work that way. Not by a long shot.

So I decided to just… be happy.

I turned back into art that was created for me. Bought some brushes for the first time in 14 years. Watch a few tutorials on watercolor (Skillshare is amazing, by the way) and oil painting. I made gifts for my friends. I painted fanart again without looking at references. I just made pretty things that I loved creating. And suddenly something happened :

I was excited about photography again. I was excited about ALL art again. I realized I had a gift and a vision people loved all along. When did I get swept away by this internet full of photographers? When did I forget that I love painting chickens and fan art and anything my little heart desired?

Finding your personal vision Journal Watercolors  watercolor artist painter Bay Area artist artist blog advice for artists   Finding your personal vision Journal Watercolors  watercolor artist painter Bay Area artist artist blog advice for artists

Honestly, I can’t tell you when that happened to me. It was a slow decay at my creative heart that crept in without any sound. I wasn’t prepared for something to pick apart the very foundation of which I had based my whole life on. But there I was, not looking forward to art anymore. I was still excellent at it. I still let the excitement of my clients absorb into me. But it was being done out of fear of not doing a good job, rather than passion for creating something unique and beautiful made with my heart.

Your heart is a pretty amazing thing. No one else has one quite like you. What I’ve realized at this point in my life (it only took me a mere 24 years of being an artist), is that putting anything out of your mind that doesn’t bring love and happiness to your art will kill your creativity. Turn on music that makes your soul explode, rather than looking at art with the amount of likes that you wish you could get.  Close your eyes and use your own visualizations – every little detail. Whatever you pictured you can create. But only if you allow yourself to release the blocks that you though you needed to hold your creativity up.

…TLDR?

Minimalistic offices are boring when you can have these little guys instead.

Finding your personal vision Journal Watercolors  watercolor artist painter Bay Area artist artist blog advice for artists

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Willie Nelson Watercolor and the lessons Willie teaches me

Willie Nelson Watercolor and the lessons Willie teaches me Watercolors  Willie Nelson watercolor tao of willie positivity law of attraction

I grew up on country music and art. It’s always been the thing that really drives me. I suppose country music really opened my heart up to story telling and how to do that through art. It inspired me to write. It inspired me to feel the feelings.

People say it’s all so depressing. But that’s how you get your feelings out : Sometimes you have to get a little sad. I feel like in order to really evolve in life you need to feel your feelings. That is where country music comes in. You can get a good cry out listening to such songs like “Always on my Mind” but after the feelings are out, you have the uplifting words of “On the Road again” to get yourself back on track. To get you back on the road to evolving.

One of my favorite Country music artists is Willie Nelson. Not just for his music, but his words. If you are looking for a change in your life and are in need of a little hope, The Tao of Willie is a great book to pick up. His words are inspiring. Many of his words have really helped me through these last few months of growth.

We create our own unhappiness. The purpose of suffering is to help us understand we are the ones who cause it.”

I felt the urge to create a portrait piece. It’s only fitting that my first journey into portrait painting would be the incredible Willie Nelson. It was definitely a difficult learning curve. Using some new paint brushes, inks, and hours of Willie Nelson playing into the midnight hours.  I’ve never taken a class in watercolors. The most art classes I’ve been in was an art class in high school. I definitely went into this with a blind fold on just throwing down paint and hoping for the best.

Willie Nelson Watercolor and the lessons Willie teaches me Watercolors  Willie Nelson watercolor tao of willie positivity law of attraction

The abstract quality to watercolor is what amazes me. You can make a portrait so realistic… yet still add magic to it. It becomes surreal. A basic portrait turns into something completely different from the original reference photo. The freedom that comes with watercolor is truly therapeutic. Literally making “happy mistakes” (Thanks, Bob Ross!) and creating something beautiful from it. Splashing random black inks and watercolors.

Something that I love about Willie Nelson that seems to be a theme in his life is to simply be grateful and happy. It’s something I have struggled with. Staying in victim mode and milking my pain to all that would listen. Re-energizing the pain. That was my life.  Until I decided it wasn’t working for me in the last 30 years of my life. So maybe good Ol’ Willie might have it right.

And he sure as hell does have it right.

I have a lot to be thankful for. My home. My ridiculously amazing family. This talent that God gave me. The music that helps me cope. My friends. Good Whiskey. Life is awesome because I choose it to be. Thanks for the advice, Good Ol’ Willie.

Willie Nelson Watercolor and the lessons Willie teaches me Watercolors  Willie Nelson watercolor tao of willie positivity law of attraction

If you are interested in picking up a print, be sure to check it out in my Etsy store.

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.”

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