March 2017 – Whiskey and Magnolias

I have the traveling bug and I just can’t get rid of it

March 23, 2017 No Comments

As a wedding photographer I’ve had a lot of chances to travel in the last 7 years of my career. Most of these places were on my travel “bucket list” and somehow I would get what I wanted from the universe and book a wedding in that location.

This year when I started to reconnect with my other artistic abilities I decided I would create my first project. A symbolistic bucket list serious of the places I wish to go.

But why a travel trailer?

In the past few years the vagabond life has intrigued me. It’s partially why I haven’t bought a home or signed a lease to rent a home. Currently living at home with my parents I have complete freedom. I can move anywhere I want. I can travel. I can make choices. I’m not tied down. I have a place to lay my head at night but can simple pick up and take off for a week to LA, Puerto Rico, or anywhere I damn well please or have the money for.

This was mostly inspired by how my Grandfather, Leland lived. Through my whole childhood I remember him with his beautiful travel trailer that he travelled the whole country with. If he wanted to park in our backyard, he was a California resident. If he wanted to move to Colorado, off he went. If Alaska was in his heart he hitched that trailer up to his truck and within days it would be his home once more. Most people perhaps wouldn’t want a life like that. One without roots.

He had roots though. He always came back to California to his family. He would come back with photographs and stories of his adventures. It is probably partially why I got the photo bug. The man carried that camera on him everywhere and documented all of his travels.

I guess he is also where I got my attachment to little dog friends. His dogs were always spoiled and travelled the country with him. Look at that spoiled little Chihuahua in her sweater to keep her nice and toasty. I remember him always picking up chicken patties and cooking them up just for her. What a little princess. Oh how I wish my dog Poot would chill out enough for some adventures. Oh the things he could see!

Oh look! It’s me! 1986 when my grandpa went camping in his trailer at Casa De Fruita. At the time he had his little dog Pixie, chilling back there. Big old tall grandpa with a tiny dog. As you can see from my face I already loved the trailer and camping even at just a few months old. Oh, and I also had an incredible sense of style. And chubby thighs. And crazy hair that wasn’t brushed. Ok I guess nothing much as changed since this photo was taken. I am just taller now. 🙂

I decided that rather than paint his travel trailer as a tribute to him, I wanted to mix it in with my own dreams. My own individual little trailer going on my own little journey inspired by my grandfather’s adventures.

Adventure awaits! Therefore I paint and plan.

“My Home in Joshua Tree” is available on Society 6.

Journal, Watercolors

The people you love will change you

March 23, 2017 No Comments

The truth to this is heavy.

We crash into each other. Just one day we are going about our business and we meet these connections in our lives. It could take years from the moment of meeting, but eventually we fall in love with those people in some way shape or form. Through those relationships we grow together. We grow apart. Sometimes we collide in such a way that the bond is broken.

I find myself completely changed by each of these connections. Whether I loved them for a moment, or my entire life. Whether I broke their heart or they broke mine.

Some changes have harmful. Some changes have changed the entire way my heart works. There have been many days that have passed in my 30 years that I was bitter about the way people I loved had changed me. As time has passed and I’ve matured into a woman I’ve learned that it all happened for a reason. I am grateful for all of the changes. Because as of right now I am truly happy for the first time in my life.

So truly happy. I may not have a lot of money right now. I may have a broken heart. I may miss a lot of people that have come and gone from my life. I may not have my dream body yet. But right now is good enough for me. I feel like I have spent most of my life in this fog of uncertainty and now I can finally see that God damn beautiful sun.

I am fucking happy. And that is awesome.

Journal, Watercolors

Always be the black sheep

March 12, 2017 No Comments

I’ve spent a long time trying to not be seen. As a 5’10” woman who in the 2nd grade was already 5’7″… I always stuck out. It bothered me deeply. I was teased endlessly even when I was a skinny kid for being a “cow” because I was just plain bigger than the rest of the kids my grade. For some reason I let that way of thinking that I needed to be like everyone else become one of my goals.

Always be the black sheep Journal Watercolors watercolor artist original art motivational make your own path black sheep

The world started to mold me, and I allowed it. From this tall, unique creature my parents were so proud of into a jell-o mold. Why? For what?

It’s not like when I dressed up in all the white wool that I could blend in. I was still tall. I was still louder than the average person. I still preferred boots and jeans over a short dress and heels. There I was with all this limitless potential to be such a stand out individual and I was wasting it stressing out over being the tall one in the back of the group photo with the girls.

I remember specifically when I was at an artists retreat in 2015 how stressed I was to fit in. All the tiny people with their skinny jeans, saggy beanie hats, vintage sunglasses playing dress up so they could hopefully be asked to have their portrait taken. Instead of taking in the moment of being in this stunning canyon I literally spent the entire trip comparing myself to every other single person there. Why didn’t I look like them? Why wasn’t I one of them?

I spent $1500+ to spend a week dissecting myself and trying to fit in rather than just being who the fuck I was and diving into my creative self. How sad is that? An experience that could have been so inspiring for my soul turned into something that really crushed my self esteem and made me doubt myself more than ever.

We all know who we really are. If you really take the time to step away from social media, step away from the company you keep, and look deep down in what you fantasize doing in your life. There you will find yourself on the big screen of your mind. You will see that person and really love them. But do you let yourself become that person… or do you just let them go and put them back in the box?

Through my whole life I always had a penchant for Rock n’ Roll and Country music. I didn’t like doing my hair too much. I didn’t like frilly nails or heels. There was a point in 2016 where I looked at myself in the mirror and saw so many things I didn’t love.

The irony? The things I didn’t like were things that just weren’t me. But things I thought I needed to fit a mold.

There was my expensive hair extensions that took hours out of my week to maintain. Acrylic nails that I was spending $80 a week on. Uncomfortable pin-up dresses and outfits. Heels that made my feet hurt. Fake eyelashes because the ladies I hung out with wore them so I figured that was how to be beautiful. I even listened the music in my own car that was what they wanted to listen to instead of what I loved. God damnit Heather, cut off this shit and put on the fucking ‘Stones.

It took rock bottom. But I lost the fake hair. The fake nails. I sold off most of all that uncomfortable shit that I would force myself to wear. I even got rid of the push up bras that lied to the world about my bust size. I put my nerd t-shirts back on. I wore those old boots to every fancy occasion because they were my version of fancy.

Something changed. I looked in the mirror and knew I could go to bed with that person every night. That person was someone I really fucking liked.

Yeah I have lost a lot of friends since I began this transformation. Yes things got really dark for awhile. I felt alone, depressed and isolated. In the end of this transformation though I found something more than just myself.

I found the other black sheep out there. The creators. The free spirits. The believers. The dreamers. They came to me like a magnet. There I was for a moment feeling like I was completely alone in the world listening to the Rolling Stones, Garth Brooks, and embracing my Willie Nelson obsession… when those cool black sheep poked me to take the headphones off and asked me what I was jamming to. And they were into it. And I was into what they had playing in their headphones.

Being the black sheep is awesome. It’s a shame it took me 30 years to realize that’s what I was. But it’s better now than never.

Journal, Watercolors

What is a soulmate? It’s not what you think….

March 3, 2017 No Comments

What is a soulmate?

What is a soulmate? It's not what you think.... Journal Watercolors watercolor artist soulmates illustrators astrology

I had the wrong idea of what a soul mate was most of my life. We grow up being told a soul mate is like the Disney movies. Everything is perfect. They are perfect for each other. There’s no fighting. There’s only peace, love, fluff, and talking animals.

I am here to tell you that is utter bullshit.

Now, I am not saying that soul mates don’t exist. As I truly with all of my heart and soul believe that they do. I am not the cynical one that believes we should just settle for whoever will do. Settle for the first person that can put up with us. That soulmates don’t exist because there isn’t a single person out there that you won’t have conflict from.

Quite the opposite.

A soul mate is something that will hit you like a hurricane. You will be completely shocked at what to do with yourself when you meet them. What you think will be a normal day will become a day that you will remember for the rest of your life. One moment you are grabbing your favorite coffee from Starbucks, and the next you’re staring at someone and feeling absolutely insane because your heart feels like it will burst. Hands start sweating. You keep smiling and looking away to keep your cool. This stranger that you always wished they existed is sitting there in front of you. I must be a complete lunatic, you think to yourself while they talk to you. They talk and your responses can come out effortlessly without overthinking. No strategy game is needed because you feel like you have known this person your entire life.

You have known them. Because you asked for them.

This person will not bring nothing but sunshine into your life. They will make you cry. They will make you doubt yourself. They will shake you to your very core. They will do all this in a way that reaches you deep down into your soul. The experience you hold with them with slide slowly through the cracks of your denial which says “I don’t need to grow”. Those cracks will soon run up the walls and shatter them completely, leaving you vulnerable. And there is something so amazing even though you feel like a complete mess. What they have done is shown you that you are capable of greatness. That you have such incredible places that you can go, and that you were settling for the mediocrity that you thought was good enough. Your soulmate will not only love you passionately for who you are, but expose to you the amazing person that you can be in the future. They fall in love with the past, the present, and the future. This isn’t to be confused with a terrible connection that breaks you and makes you question your self worth. A soul mate makes you realize your self worth. And makes you realize that you deserve so much more than you are settling for. You deserve to be the greatest version of yourself.

Life can tear you apart. Insecurities. Our damage. The chaos we forge around ourselves to keep our egos safe. If you are lucky that soulmate will always come back to you. And even if you lose them forever, you will be linked forever. Linked forever in a way that you two will never forget.

So I painted that connection. It’s so powerful and I just felt like I had to make a visual representation of it.

You will find your soulmate. They will come at you like a hurricane. I promise you.

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