I am lucky to have a broken heart

I am lucky to have a broken heart.

I am lucky to have a broken heart Journal Watercolors  watercolor artist thankfulness puerto rico photo blogger law of attraction inspirational gratitude broken heart artist blogger

I am lucky to have fallen so in love with someone and to have my heart broken into a million pieces. Lady luck was looking out for me. The fact that I had to finally walk away from a toxic person that I loved is a blessing.

Because the reality is, it can be so much worse considering the world right now.


While I am sitting here in the comfort of my workout clothes crying about my sad, broken heart…

People are crying over the fact that their loved one left to go to a country music festival and ended up in a pile of bodies. They are holding on to their lives in the hospital because they took a bullet while singing their hearts out to Jason Aldean. There is a child sitting terrified at the memories of watching people get shot around them while they were enjoying their family’s time together at a country music festival.

There are people that in just a matter of hours lost their entire home, possessions, pets and are left with nowhere to go. People burned alive today because they were trapped and could not escape in time. People’s lifelong businesses are nothing but ash. Families are scared to fall asleep tonight in fear that the fires will find them in the night.

The whole damn island of Puerto Rico is fighting for their lives.

So yes, I am so grateful to have my heart be completely broken right now.  In a world where so many people are feeling absolutely hopeless, I have the ability to be filled with such hope.


I am selling various prints to go to charities on Etsy.

Puerto Rico Fine art Photograph print 

Las Vegas Print Set 

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How to love an introvert (from a sensitive extrovert’s point of view)

Dear internet, I have something that I must admit to myself and the rest of the world.

I am the most extrovert of extroverts.

Communication is awesome to me.  The idea of going to fun events alone without anyone to share it with sounds incredibly lame. Why wouldn’t I want to share this incredible experience known as life with people I love? Why do I have to feel bad about this?

Why have I spent most of my life being called



Too intense



As an extrovert who is also an incredibly sensitive person, I feel every little shift in people’s personalities. And of course, being an extrovert I want to get people to talk about it. How can I make their day better? Did I do something to upset them?  I mean, I am not insecure here but also don’t want to be completely oblivious to people’s feelings around me. If someone mistook me as rude, I feel like I must know about it.  I also don’t want to withhold something cool that I think someone would find awesome too! Sharing is caring, right?

If you are an introvert reading this, you are probably already exhausted by this article imagining someone in your life like me.

Sorry, not sorry. 


However, I have found that in my life I have become the most attached to people that turn out to be introverts. Those introverts are just so wonderful to me. I mean, once I get passed a long time of feeling completely annoying to them, ignored, and shut out. Then they are so awesome!  No, for reals.  The relationships I have built with extroverts help me keep focused. They love me, but also have to retreat to recharge enough to help push me to keep focused on my goals.

I am that very weird, asshole extrovert that when I am focused on my work, art or goals, I put all of that magical energy that I usually put into conversations to whatever it is that I am working on.  So when I am around fellow extroverts, I tend to offend them and make them get put up with me because when it’s work time, it’s work time. However, the introverts I love usually are just excited they get a chance to plug in for recharge again because I come back and smother them with love and excitement.


Things I learned to Deal with as an extrovert :


  1. It is not personal when introverts ignore you.

    Yes. I have cried many times with my introvert loves ignored me.
    My dear friend Shelby will take off from my world for sometimes up to a week.  Do I freak out? Yes. Do I think I did something to make her hate me? Yes. Do I replay it in my head 900 times the last time we talked to make sure that I am not the asshole? Yes.  Did I try to convince myself that they must hate me because I would never ignore them unless I hated them? Yes.

    But there is something I don’t do anymore in this situation. I don’t try to make them feel like shit for just being themselves.

    It wasn’t even until the last year that I really understood the difference between an introvert and an extrovert. So I went pretty quick to judge these wonderful people in my life. It didn’t even cross my mind that the answer to their silence was anything other than them wanting to disconnect from me personally. I would call them out on ignoring my messages. Send insults. I would react instead of respond.  How could these people I adore possibly care at me at all if they are looking at my phone calls and messages and ignoring me? The only probable answer is that they decided I suck and that they hate me. Or if it was a man I was dating, I took it as they were clearly boning 10 other women.  Clearly.

    Rather than reacting to these silent treatments, I now respond.

    Not gonna lie, I still fuck this up a lot. I still have my doubts, but I don’t lose control of my feelings. And we know us little sensitive extroverts have so many of those.

    I responded with assuming the best in someone that just leaving them alone. Rather than feeling rejected, I told myself that they only had so much energy to give their days, that they were simply spent. They couldn’t give me what they knew I wanted.  With this fact, I decided to just trust that when they were recharged that they would return to me.  Go spend all that extrovert energy on someone else who was lined up with my energy level. Stop depending on anyone to make me happy.  The most I would send as a follow-up to these special introverts in my life is something cute and loving to let them know I was thinking of them and am excited to see them again whenever they are ready.

    The relationships I have had with introverts has improved so much since this simple correction.  I trust them more. I trust the world a bit more. I feel a bit more comfortable knowing that we are all so different and those differences need to be respected, rather than judged.

  2. Sometimes when introverts ask you to hang out, you just don’t need to talk the whole time.

    This one was something I realized very recently. Since I have decided to pull my own head out of my ass and be more observant and accepting of people’s patterns, I was able to learn some new lessons.  Once I stopped being so damn concerned with my feelings and expectations and realized that other people had different needs than me, I opened my eyes up a bit.

    When I ask to hang out, I assume there will be talking. And hanging out. Because I am an extrovert and need to talk. I think people want to hear me talk. Right?

    Ok, maybe not so much.

    Sometimes when an introvert asks you to hang out, they simply want your presence. Not so much all the thoughts and feelings that you want them to talk about. Not for you to pick their brain. They were able to muster their last bit of energy and spend it on you. Feel special.  Sometimes just hanging out and watching a TV show without talking is an ok thing. Laughing together. Snuggling. Whatever you do with your introvert lovebug. Don’t take it so personally when you keep trying to start the conversation and you can tell they are shut down.  Take it as a gentle sign that they just don’t have the energy for it at the time.  Just enjoy the physical time together and being able to just relax and check out.

  3. Shy people do not always mean they are introverts. Introverts can still be chatty, bubbly creatures too.

    So observe. For the longest time, I felt like all extroverts had to be like me. Loud. Outgoing. Talkative.  It was the shy, quiet ones that were introverts right?  Oh so wrong.

    One of my closest friends is very much an extrovert like me. Sometimes she puts the phone down for a few hours if she is stressed, but for the most part, she is very much chatting with me all day every day. She loves going out together and meeting new people. However, in person, she can come off a bit shy. And so I assumed she was clearly an introvert, which was so damn wrong.

    There are three little introverts in my life who I adore dearly.  All three of them I assumed they were just like me because in person we can chat for hours. They are outgoing and charming. They seem comfortable in meeting new people.   You know what else they do after they have had tons of social interaction with me and I am on cloud nine of social happiness?


    It’s been a struggle dealing with this. I took it so personally for so long. I assumed when the excuse came “oh things came up” that it was clearly a lie. They clearly just had better people to talk to and were trying to push me out of their lives. Or the always fun “I guess I am just annoying them this week” feeling. While it is totally understandable for me to have these feelings, I am still in the process of drilling into my head that it literally has nothing to do with me.  That in fact, my anxiety about these silent times would push my relationships further away.

    But they were so chatty just yesterday? Yesterday they said they were sad they had to go! Yesterday they loved me!!!!  Why God, WHY don’t these chatty, bubbly people like me not want to talk? WHY WOULDN’T THEY TALK?

    Oh, because they literally don’t have the fucks to give me. My sweet, beautiful introverts had been drained of all their loving fucks for me, and simply could not give.  This is literally none of my business, and it shouldn’t be bothering me as much as it did. It still bothers me to this day here and there, but once again it is about responding rather than reacting. It’s about trusting in your connection with them that they wouldn’t just leave you. Because trust me, they are just assuming you know that they love you.


  4. They need you to pull them out of their shell.

    I swear I’ve been told this.  So if any introverts are offended by this, I am sorry. But… not sorry.

    Because if it were up to my sweet beautiful introverts…. they would stay hidden in their house. And then weeks after not seeing anyone or having social interaction they would be very sad and then afraid to try to come and re-spark the connection.   So here I am, forcing them out of their shell because it is just so easy to hide out in there. Just like as an extrovert, it is so easy to just keep fucking talking and finding connections to distract you from your own mind.  These are my little introverts and I keep them social, while they keep me grounded a bit.

    So make sure you still set your standards, little extrovert. Just tell them that it hurts when there is a long, constant silence. Offer to just come over for a movie if you miss them.  Be patient. I repeat, Be patient.

    Or if you just don’t want that introverted personality in your life, it is totally ok to leave the relationship. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means maybe this connection isn’t for you. 

    I am stubborn though, so I keep them around.

    Besides, Batman is an introvert and I wouldn’t stop wanting to kick it with him just because he had to hand out some vigilante justice for a few days.

    How to love an introvert (from a sensitive extrovert's point of view) Journal  women who blog women bloggers introvert help im an extrovert extroverts artist blogger artist blog advice for extroverts
    Watercolor Batman Fan Artwork by Heather Elizabeth
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Why I chose to give up the 4 year college dream to work for myself

Why I chose to give up the 4 year college dream to work for myself Journal  photographer blog inspiration having faith freelance inspiration freelance blog female bloggers artist blogger artist blog

There is a typical American dream. Graduate high school, choose a college, meet a spouse in college, then graduate college and marry spouse. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that dream.  It’s quite the happy, sweet dream that I have noticed works well for so many people. Their hearts are filled with joy. I should want that dream.

I guess I just never did.

I felt the pull of that dream for sure. There was the pressure from parents to go to college to get that desk job. Have that stable, happy paycheck. But from the age of 17, I was so against going with the norm that I was already choosing my own logo design company as my way of income rather than working at the local Blockbuster (remember those?). There was so much freedom in the house of working and creating for clients. While I was working sometimes 10 hours a day for not much pay, I felt fulfilled. I was making pretty things to help others succeed.

Society pulled on me a bit too much and I finally gave into the 9-5 job. It was consistent, good money as a graphic designer. My rent was always paid. My car payment was made. I always had weekends off to go get drunk and party with my friends. It was honkey dory. Then I started looking into getting into college. In the meantime, I took pretty photos of people for fun.

“Photography and art are just a hobby”, I told myself.

Be Realistic.

This is where the Universe came in and forced me to follow my inner desire to create art for a living.

You see, I was fired from that safe, 9-5 job. To this day I must admit I didn’t deserve to let go. I went above and beyond at that job and even dealt with a lot of sexual harassment.  The manager who took care of all the hiring was a very unhappy woman that fired all other women at the place of business within 6 months. So it was only by luck and the rest of the staff loving me I even kept that job for as long as I did.

If I am being honest, It wasn’t a perfect, positive transition from 9-5 consistent land to Freelance artist. It was a rather rough transition. Do I follow the path and go to college? Do I find another 9-5 and hope that they don’t fire me as well for no reason?  Rather than looking for the answers within myself, I decided the best course of action was to try to find those answers at the bottom of a shot glass at the local watering hole for a good few months. In case you are wondering, this is not the right way to go about finding your happiness.

One day in my pointless job search, I realized I don’t even care that much for graphic design. Photography was my heart and soul. It’s was made my heart race in anticipation. It was something that at the end of the day I was excited for the next day of art to be created. I had photographed my close friend’s wedding for fun a few months before and upon looking through the photographs, I realized that it was a really great experience.

It was scary, but I put it out there that I was going to be a freelance, self employed wedding photographer. I was going to tell stories with my camera. I was going to make people feel beautiful.

I mean, I had no fucking idea what the hell I was doing but I was going to dive in face first and see what happened. I let fear go for the first time in my life and told myself I was capable of this.  I was capable of working the hours that would give me the freedom to live a life of creation and adventure. I was going to do a job that was rewarding, even though while my friends were out partying, meeting boyfriends, having kids and getting married… I was working 12 hour days.


Because a lot of people had died in my life.

Ok, sorry that was a bit morbid.

But really, I spent my life watching those I loved hustling for work. Hustling to make the all mighty dollar. They did the time in school, the army, whatever it was that was their training to put them in a job that would give them security. These people spent so many years doing this, they didn’t get any satisfaction out of life. They died young. These dreams of love and adventure turned to dust with them.

Fuck that. It wasn’t happening to me. My days were going to be led by what I wanted. I was going to take that trip on a day I needed an off day. I was going to spent my days working for that almighty dollar doing something that fed my soul.  Not only was I feeding my own soul, but I saw the incredible effect that I had on other people. My clients looked at their photos and they truly meant something. My kindness meant something. My ability to take their fear of their photograph being taken away meant something.   I was creating art out of their stories.

Yes, at times I wish I had taken the college route with the stable job. But I am happy that I never let fear take me away from what my soul really wanted. It wanted to be free. It wanted to do whatever the fuck it wanted when it wanted. It wanted to spend it’s days creating and inspiring.  And well, there just isn’t a college course for that.

Sure people think I just sit at home and my schedules are free. Sure people judge me on the fact that most days I am wearing yoga pants with my hair in a bun. Yes, people constantly say “must be nice” when I am able to take week long trips because I feel like it.  Nope, I didn’t meet the amazing love of my life in college and I don’t have 1.5 kids right now with my white picket fence.

That is totally ok though. 

Because just like the line of work I chose, it may be hard but it’s worth it. It may be different than what most other people choose, but it fits me. And whatever lovers, events, and opportunities are coming my way thanks to this path I chose, I know it’s going to be perfect to fill me up with happiness.


Follow your heart, always. It may take awhile, but you will always see it was the right choice.


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A day in New York City on September 11th.

I talk a lot. I over talk. I am an extrovert by nature. 

On this day last year though, I didn’t have much to say.

My brother and I had two extra days in the state to go sight seeing. We didn’t plan it to be on the 15th anniversary of 9/11, it just happened that way.  In fact, it wasn’t until that morning at 4 am as I was getting ready to catch the train from Albany to the city that I realized even what day it was. I remember sitting in silence on the train. There was a fire fighter dressed in his formal clothes with his head down. You could see the heaviness on his shoulders.

Our train was ten minutes early. Us California kids were completely lost at where to go. When the clock hit 8:47am all we had to do was follow the bag pipes to find a crowd of people circled around a small flower memorial.

No words. I just watched.

Some of these photographs were taken by my brother. It was an incredibly powerful experience to be in this city on this day. While it was a beautiful and sunny day in New York City… you couldn’t help but feel that cloud of grief hanging over the island.

You also couldn’t help but feel the strength of love and the human spirit.

I will let the photographs do the rest of the talking.


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Be here. Be Present. Wherever you are, be there | How I started to have happier days

Be here. Be Present. Wherever you are, be there | How I started to have happier days Home Decor Journal  willie nelson fan art Willie Nelson DIY wood artwork DIY willie nelson wall art

Yes, I made a Willie Nelson DIY wall art piece for my backyard.  After hours of mixing water, non-toxic stain, and coffee created the prettiest little piece of wood in the west.  Then to top it off with ink, acrylic paint, and wood burning, I made that piece of wood into my little piece of art.

But it wasn’t just a cool quote, it was a little reminder of some advice that I need to follow.

“Be here. Be present. Wherever you are, be there.” ~ Willie Nelson

To me, this applies to when you are focusing on crap in the back of your mind when you should be enjoying your present moment. Or when you are living your life based on past experiences, or out of fear for the future.


Unfortunately, I was blessed with a multitasking brain. I can answer e-mails, edit images, and have a conversation with my dog all at the same time. While at the same time water coloring while images process. I can text a full conversation while having a full conversation with another person (I don’t recommend it, it’s still rude). Wow! What a blessing one might say.

How about no. A multitasking brain is a brain that can’t let shit go. 

Add in some depression and anxiety issues I’ve had to fight over the years, and we have a real mess.

How I changed my way of experiencing life

It took me until I read Willie Nelson’s book “The Tao of Willie: A Guide to the Happiness in Your HeartBe here. Be Present. Wherever you are, be there | How I started to have happier days Home Decor Journal  willie nelson fan art Willie Nelson DIY wood artwork DIY willie nelson wall art   ” to really understand the concept of being present. 30 years and I figured it was just showing up and paying attention. I am present, I figured. Yes, I was present while I was living my day-to-day life, but I was also using that multitasking brain of mine to think of every God damn rotten thing that had gone on in my life. I would fixate on it. My day would be subconsciously ruined daily but things that had happened, or things that I was scared of happening.

Yes, that’s right, I was ruining my days with this backpack of worry hanging off my back. It made my shoulders ache. It made me tired. And it was a backpack filled with shit that I couldn’t change or do a damn thing about. I would be at Disneyland and instead of focusing on the fact I was with amazing people seeing amazing things… my head is stuck on what happened last month that hurt my feelings and asking myself why it happened.

Think about it. How dumb is that shit? 

Upon reading the “The Tao of Willie”, I learned something very valuable. To let go. To just drop the damn backpack of bullshit (B.o.B) off and enjoy the adventure I was on.

“Let go, and you’ll be free to find happiness now.” ~ Willie Nelson

To let go was to focus on my task at hand more deeply. To let go was to really enjoy the performance of a song rather than focusing on a memory that was pulling at my heartstrings subconsciously. Once I told myself I was going to really focus on the moment that I was experiencing right now, I truly realized how little I do let myself focus on enjoyment.

Instead of kissing a man I really had feelings for and really enjoying that beautiful moment, I spent the whole time worrying when he was just going to screw me over like all of them. 

Instead of enjoying the people that I was photographing and creating powerful art that represented them, I was going in auto pilot while in my mind also trying to figure out why my ex-best friend turned out to be a total asshole.

Instead of being out having drinks and laughs with friends, I was trying to find the quickest way to shut up my annoying multi tasking brain so I could just feel nothing.  

Here I was, an incredibly blessed human being given these amazing experiences and I wasn’t taking them in. I wasn’t cherishing that moment and soaking in each little bit. It was this realization that I knew I needed to really find a way to change this pattern. How do I shut up this damn brain of mine and really focus on the people and things in front of me? 


I pulled away from Social Media

Let’s face it – your brain isn’t really functioning too much when you are mindlessly scrolling and liking for hours.  I deleted the Facebook app off my phone and vowed to only use it for marketing purposes when I was in my office and in work mode. Instagram was only used when in work mode. Every social media app, except Instagram, was deleted. This was really tough for about two days because I felt like I didn’t know what to do with my brain when standing in line, or sitting in the car, or you know…. any of the other million times I would be on that damn thing in a day.

Yes, I was reading while I was using the apps. Sharing, liking, commenting. But it took so little brain power that there I was thinking about the “text message that came in without an emoji from the cute boy at 3 pm and I wonder if he still likes me? Oh, and should I have really eaten that damn English muffin this morning? So many calories….” You get the point. It’s exhausting.

Once I stopped having anything on my phone to mindlessly scroll through, I started standing in the check out lines and actually looking around again. People started to say “hello” more often and I was able to have random networking conversations wherever I went. And because I was so dedicated to playing with this new game of “being present” I was really focusing on what people were saying to me. I wasn’t ready for a response before they finished anymore because for the first time I was finally listening.

Another great thing that came from turning off my social media except for once a day, is that I spent a whole lot less time comparing my life to others. This alone took a weight off my shoulders that I cannot even describe. No more wondering about other people and constantly being jealous of their awesome amazing internet lives! I was free!

The only downside to this step? I spent a lot of times trying to find new things to observe and soak in while sitting at tables with people who weren’t on the path to being present in the moment. 


I started talking about things I really, really am excited about.

Something that I learned the hard way was that the more you talk about something that bothers you, the more your subconscious focuses on it even after the discussion is done. Now you have taken in even more information on this troublesome subject that you have no control over, and you have even more data to fixate on!

Talking about my money stresses. Talking about my broken heart. Talking about my irritation with a girlfriend. Talking about how I am so irritated but this client. Every time I brought it up, the more it would bug me for hours after.  The next day I would wake up and now start analyzing the conversation I just had about the thing that irritated me?  How ridiculous is that? 

So I decided to try something new and crazy in my conversations. Talking about things I love. I started talking about my new art I was working on that I was excited to see it finish. Conversations switched from venting about how annoying my brother was this morning when he left his clothes on the floor AGAIN to how much I was looking forward to the Stagecoach festival I was planning a trip to. Ideas. Goals. Plans. These were the things I talked about with people, rather than my woes. And in turn when my brain was multitasking a bit while bored in line, sure enough, I was focusing on the feelings of excitement and gratitude for my life.

Your words matter. Your thoughts matter.  So choose them wisely. And why wouldn’t you want to think about awesome things instead? Even your lunch you are eating is more worth your thoughts and energy then how irritated you are by your job currently.

Talk of your joys, not your sorrows. 

I took the time to feel the bad feelings.

This may seem counter intuitive, but turns out it was a key in my success. If you don’t get those feelings and get them out, they are going to stay in that fucking B.o.B on your back and weigh you down from that incredible hike we call life.

So I wrote. I listened to music. I played guitar. I gave myself that alone time with no distractions to give 100% of my attention to these feelings. I examined how I felt about it and allowed myself to grieve or feel angry. I then just let it go. I told myself that I had no control of it, and that as long as I wake up still breathing on this beautiful damn planet, that it will be ok. I then just breathed and let it go.  “Breathe from your chest, breathe from your gut, breathe from your heels.” Willie Nelson said in his book. And I did just that while I made the decision to let it go.

Elsa that shit, my friends.
(That was a Frozen reference for those of you who live under a rock).



It’s taken me months to really get this down. This is something I need to keep in check. I still find myself sometimes still going on my phone when at dinner with a loved one, sitting in the car, or just laying in bed at night. I still sometimes will be working out and my brain goes to all of my insecurities rather than pushing myself for the results I know are on the way. But it’s all about catching yourselves in the habits you have that keep self-sabotaging yourself, and slapping yourself on the hand.



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Finding inspiration when you are down in the dumps

Finding inspiration when you are down in the dumps Journal Watercolors  self love positive thinking law of attraction injury recovery injury disney watercolor disney fan art cinderella books to read for motivation books to read for inspiration books for artists artist blog artist

Oops I did it again.

I injured myself. A painful, terrible injury in my lower back and hip. Injuries are no biggie until it makes it so I cant create. Editing, painting, drawing…. all things that really revolved a desk. Poof! Gone.

When you can’t create how do you stay inspired? How do you get excited about your days when the very thing that you live for is gone?  Rather than just focusing on how much pain you are in and wallowing in depression?

Well… sometimes you just don’t.

I am sure you were expecting something else. But I have a point, I promise you.

Sometimes you just give in to the fact that you are in pain. You accept it. You cry it out. You feel like punching the wall because you are so frustrated that you are basically confined to a couch.  The the only way you can do what you love is by laying paints out on your bed and hurting your knees while you try to paint as you use your bed as a kneeling desk. And that then hurts you so damn much you have to quit as well.

Your energy is in the wrong place. Your energy needs to be on loving your body and healing it.   

Always choose the path of least resistance. In this case – rather than focusing on the fact that you cannot create or be inspired, distract yourself from it. Stop focusing on your lack. What can you possibly do while being unable to create all the art going on in your head?

Once I got out of my own damn way and started focusing on healing, I figured out a few things to really help me keep inspired and excited.  But damn, I really needed to get through my self-loathing, I hate everything bull crap. Just feel the feelings and let that shit go.

  1. Read. Read. READ.
    I needed a distraction while I was hurt. So I loaded up several books on my kindle that kept the inspiration going. Gave me the hope that in the end of this awful injury that it was going to be ok. That I wasn’t running out of life and time to make the art I wanted.Most of these are memoirs or inspirational books. It really helped me look forward to applying what I learned in these books to my life once I was all healed and ready.
    A few books that really helped me include :
    Declutter your mind
    Never Broken : Songs are only half the story
    The 5 Love languages
    The Tao of Willie
    You are a Badass
  2. Keep a journal of things you want to create.

    Excitement is what kept me from going insane. It’s what keeps most people from mulling over in their heads all the things that are upsetting them. So I carried a little notebook with me.  Each time I had the urge to paint and had this incredible idea, I wrote it down. New blog idea? Write it down. New business venture? I took the time to write a business plan.

    Now that I am healed I have all these incredible plans to start tackling. They are what kept me from going insane when bedridden!

  3. Be grateful for every moment that the pain is gone.

    This is one of the harder things that I had to force myself to do. Each time I noticed that my back and hip were in no pain whatsoever, I told myself how grateful I was to be in a pain-free body.  I would literally take a deep breath in and feel gratitude for the fact my body was giving me a damn break from feeling like shit.  It really is true the things that you feel gratitude towards, you get more of. So get to being damn grateful.

  4.  Watch Disney movies.

    It makes everyone feel better.

  5. Take time to reflect and write to people you’ve been meaning to for years.

    Remember that family member you have been too busy to check in on? Call them.
    Remember all of those business contacts that you have been too busy to email (you can do it from your phone, people!) to remind them that you exist? Email them. Remind them of your existence and they will remember how awesome you are. Trade ideas. Prep for building an empire.
    How about that friend that you had a messy break up with years ago? Take time to reflect on if you miss them or not. What did you do wrong? What great things did they bring to your life? Send them a message to put out that olive branch. Forgiveness and love feel great for the soul.


We are dealt our blows to learn a lesson. Sometimes the lesson is that you need to sit the hell down and observe more. Thanks, back injury. I’ve achieved a lot in this time that you’ve made me artistically useless.


Stay inspired. xo


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Drive, drive, drive.

ut It’s that time of year again that I spend several days a week driving to beautiful locations. Which means it’s a lot of hours in a car alone with nothing but music keeping me company. Turns out its such good company that on these drives I would always find a reason to go off my route home so that I can find some hidden beauties for the sake of finding beauty.

There is something about driving without direction that is so freeing. In a year of change, I’ve spent a lot of time driving down old roads with no direction other than what looked good at the time. Sometimes I have just left my house on a dreary afternoon just to drive in whatever direction that called to me. A few hours later I am back home after a long date with the road and my radio, and my heart is ready to focus.  The anxieties have a habit of flying out the window if you drive fast enough.

Pick a direction. Get completely lost. End up exactly where you were supposed to be all along. 

I don’t know if you need help finding direction in such a messy world. What works for me might not work for you. But if you need a place to start, I recommend jumping in the car with no GPS and see what happens.

Drive, drive, drive. film photography Journal  artist blog art blogger advice for artists   Drive, drive, drive. film photography Journal  artist blog art blogger advice for artists

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Stupid Fan art and the happiness it can bring you

If I was to tell you that art saved my life it wouldn’t be a dramatization. If I didn’t have art, I wouldn’t know who I am. The funny part of the fact that art became such a huge piece of me is that it was the silliest thing that made me interested in it, to begin with – Fan Art.

It wasn’t serious. It wasn’t with any intention than of coloring and creating little tributes to my favorite characters. It brought me an immense joy to see one of my finished little fan arts. No matter the situation that was going on in my home my art supplies and love of these fandom characters really gave me a peace.

As I got older, I let my ego get in the way and told myself “adults don’t do fan art. I do real, serious art”. I stopped my little fan arts. Then photography came into my life and all traditional mediums as I knew it fell out of my scheduled time. It was all about photographs.

In my quest to doing things that I enjoy for the sole purpose of the fact they make me happy, I started doodling my favorite characters again.  It was just fun. I got to hang out with myself and put down the phone, stopped looking through e-mails, and disconnect for awhile and just enjoy creating fun little tributes to my favorite nerdoms again. The hours I used to spend scrolling the internet for more mindless memes, self-esteem sucking articles pretending to be self-help articles,  and cat videos were now made to paint copious amounts of Harley Quinn Fan Art. Did I need to paint her four times in the last two months?  It doesn’t really matter- it was making me happy.

And that’s something that I really needed some more of. Some good happy feelings for the sake of being happy.  Doing something just for me to make me happy.  It’s a pretty simple concept I’ve been ignoring for work, facebook likes, and hours of overthinking my insecurities.

Do things that make you happy when everything sucks. Something just for you that you only need you for. Be Happy. Life is pretty cool when you just let yourself be happy. 

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You gotta love like there’s no such thing as a broken heart

Love sucks. Love in every compacity can really suck. Love means we will eventually end up with a broken heart for one reason or another.  Someone might die that we love. We might start to dislike someone who we once adored. Someone can just walk away from you without reason and leave you crying picking up that broken heart up off the floor.


You gotta love like there's no such thing as a broken heart Journal Watercolors  watercolor blogger watercolor artist old dominion country music art blogger


I’ve spent most of my relationships running on fear. Friendships and lovers fear was always the driving force. Fear was choking me through every decision I made with people. Would this make them leave? Would this make them think something negative of me? Would the tiniest action I made make them just leave and never look back?

These fears also made me lash out in anger. If I leave first they can’t abandon me. Seemed like a safe route.

It was also a route to a lot of regret and loneliness.  How was I ever to find loving relationships if I didn’t believe it was actually possible? I was confident enough to believe in myself when it came to running a successful business in a competitive market. I was confident enough to believe in everything but my ability to love someone that would love me back.

When I heard “Like there’s no such thing as a broken heart” by Old Dominion it really simplified the path I needed to take. Sometimes it’s just certain words that finally make your brain click. Rather than living in a world of anxiety and distrust, why not just give your heart out because you want to, expecting nothing back?


Sure you can get hurt. 

But you know what’s worse than hurt?




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30 things that I learned in my 30th year.

30 things that I learned in my 30th year. Drawing Journal  turning 30 thirties growth artist blog

So I made it past the threshold of a decade known as the “thirties”.

I am writing this in my room currently between guitar attempts. It’s the last few hours of my 30th year. My phone is away. My computer is down. Just me, this guitar and a journal. In this moment I realize how much I have changed in the past year because the Heather that was here 365 days ago wouldn’t have been content in this moment by herself.

365. 365 days is what took me to evolve from the person that I was April 25th, 2016 to who I am today, on April 25th, 2017.  I’ve been through this process of 365 days 30 times already, yet for the first time, I really feel like I am content with myself at the conclusion of this merry-go-round. A year ago today I was laying on the couch most of the day crying. My mind had no control. And now here I am just 365 days later feeling completely content. For the first time in my life, I can say I am happy. Truly, 100% happy.

Money hasn’t been flowing lately. The state of the world is pretty stressful. I haven’t reached my weight loss goal yet. I haven’t gotten married or been with my soul mate. My car still has that pretty big dent on it. I still clash with friends here and there. But I am really, really damn happy.  I wouldn’t even say content. Sincerely happy with where my life is going.  There are so many possibilities before me that I was just too damn blind to see.

This happiness came from all I learned this year.  I learned so much this year that I would have never anticipated the knowledge that these 365 days would give me. There was no grand plan for age 30. No intention of changing my life. It was just another day closer to my passing in this world and surviving.

Perhaps it is because I finally expected nothing, I finally gained everything that I really needed.

During my 30th year, I took the time to make notes of the things I learned by 30. They have been a mess of notes in journals, Facebook status updates, and random texts to friends. But when it came to the conclusion of the year I realized the importance of all these things that I have learned. These things that I have learned have brought a calmness to my soul that I have never had. For that, I have gratitude for every damn moment that I have experienced this year.

  1. Don’t Drive with your fucking brights on.
  2. Pizza is always there for you.
  3. People are more complex than you realize. Their struggles are often silent. I found that 99% of the time their terrible actions have nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them.  I stopped taking it so personally. I wished them well in my heart and forgive them for myself. I spent time thinking about how thankful I was for the good times. Most importantly I started to remember to apologize for the terrible things I did to others when I was struggling with my demons. No one is innocent.
  4. Ripping an acrylic nail off really hurts.  I need to just use my adult money and get them taken off instead of thinking hope and endless fiddling is going to get them off. Once the nails had been removed, I also realized that I had been wasting $900 a year on fake nails which I spent most of my time being embarrassed because of how damn dirty they got.
  5. Alcohol is bad for me and I should really just stick to beer or wine.  While I used to be a bad ass like John Wayne and take out 8 shots of whiskey in a night and lived to tell the tale, those days are gone. Now I can go from two shots to jumping on cars and making people wonder if they should hug me or restrain me.  When I switched from shot after shot I noticed this magical thing started happening – I can remember how I got into bed last night! SCORE.
    Also, the hangovers? My God. My body loves to punish me with deadly force for my tomfoolery. I need to send out a formal apology to everyone over 30 that ever canceled plans on me for being hung over. Many apologies. I feel your pain now.
  6. Art really makes me happy. For years I have neglected my paintings. My drawings. My writing. I put down the guitar. I just stopped everything I loved to pursue nothing but photography.  I’ve reconnected with this part of me and realized how much satisfaction I really got in the creation process. The idea that I can put my phone down, put music on and just connect with my creative side is something I am eternally grateful for.  Let’s just say I don’t ever get bored or text for hours anymore. The art I have created with all the time I used to mindlessly scroll through facebook is mindblowing to me.
  7. The only shoes I really need is cowboy boots. 
  8. People will leave me and I am ok with that. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss them. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel hurt. But it also means I spend a lot less time stressing about phone calls back or fights. If they leave – they leave. If they love me like I know they do deep down inside, they come back. Since I came to learn this simple fact any tifs with people have gone far smoother and reconciled quickly.
  9. I really hate texting. Turns out I am getting arthritis in my neck (so are you, probably) from looking down at that little glowing box all fucking day long.  However, most people in the world hate talking on the phone now because everything can be accessed by text. So I just need to deal with that frustration when trying to get a hold of people. I would much rather spend time with that person or call them than text meaningless things back and forth all day. Unless it’s Tiffany because I cannot go a day without sending her memes.
  10. Sleeping schedules are important and I really need one. 
  11. People do not need my 15 selfies a week.  People don’t need the daily update on what I look like or what shirt I am wearing. Give some mystery. Wear the shirt for me. Do my makeup to go out into the world, not to post a selfie for some likes.  Unless I am doing something really awesome, put the phone down and let the people I am with see my face.
  12. Take the selfies anyway. I just go back to them when I am having an ugly day.
  13. That I have become the person that says “Music was way better back in my day”. 
  14. That I actually like my face now that I don’t wear a ton of make-up.  It started as an experiment but this year I started to wear less make-up no matter where ever I went. I set a timer on my phone – 10 minutes. That’s the only time I have to paint my damn face anymore. The benefits of this experiment have been that I look in the mirror in the morning and am far more kind to who I see looking back. Also, I am on time to appointments more often.
  15. Mad Men was right about everything. 
  16. While it may be one of the hardest things for me to do, I trust that everyone is just doing the best that they can.  After training my brain to have this thought when I am upset with someone, it has made my conflicts go away and made more relationships stick.
  17. I shouldn’t have quit guitar in high school. In my life, I have been given three guitars to play. Without asking for them. Without mentioning my want to play. I always dreamed of playing guitar and writing songs but never did so because I thought I wasn’t pretty enough for anyone to ever listen to me. My guitar teacher couldn’t remember my name and taught more about the bands he hangs out with than how to hold a guitar pick correctly. I put blame on all of these reasons for why I gave up. Now I realized that was all bullshit and jamming on this box has given me more joy in my life than I can describe. I don’t know what I am doing or where I am going with it, but it makes my heart explode so I’ll stick with it.
  18. That I didn’t ever really enjoy having fake nail, hair, or eyelashes. The nails made me useless and caught dirt. The hair took me hours a day in brushing and caring for. The eyelashes made me have to check myself in the bathroom at Disneyland way too many times for my taste. Why was I doing all this? I’ve found shedding all of the things that were supposed to make me more beautiful is what really made me more beautiful.
  19. My parents are really awesome. It’s been easy to blame them for everything. Be irritated. Stomp my feet when I don’t get what I want. That’s what you are supposed to do right? Spend your life disappointing them so you can blame them for their disappointment? I have found showing them gratitude for the bullshit I have put them through was a far more productive way to go about things. They’ve seen me at rock bottom and loved me anyway. This year they should have possibly disowned me or kicked me out, but instead, they just held me when I cried my eyes out from my most shameful moment. They supported me in my passion to re-build myself, rather than nagging at me for my faults that probably deserved to be nagged out.  When making choices with me they could have chosen fear or love, and they always chose love even when I didn’t deserve it.
  20. I really want a little farm one day.  Most of my life I just drifted and took what was given to me, which is probably why I didn’t know what direction I wanted to go in. I realized what my dream home was. A small, cozy house with a lot of land to rescue dogs, chickens, and any other animal I want. A peace away from the storm. I want to build things on my little farm. I want to make art on my little farm. I want to make music. It’s not here in my reality yet but at least I know I am heading there.
  21. I don’t need to worry about if a guy likes me or not.  Most of the last few years have been consumed with carrying my ex with me. He would wake up one moment and hate me. It was a cycle that I don’t even need to go into, but just say it changed who I was. I dated men I didn’t even like just so I could worry about if they liked me. Sure when they left I didn’t even miss them, but I missed being wanted. I was hungry for it.  So imagine how I handled it when I met someone I really did care about? Energy is energy and all my bad juju definitely did nothing to help that grow.  All the men I choose to talk to now I think of what I think about them, rather than worrying if they want me. I’ve grown happier. I listen to love songs again. I live through love for myself, rather than fear of being left. It has made so much difference.
  22. Men and women are really different. I’ve been operating my whole life with the thinking of “well I wouldn’t do that” when it comes to something any man in my life would do. Be it romantic relationships, friendships or family. There was a judgment I cast on the men in my life because I put them up to the standards by which I would do things. I have come to realize their brains work completely differently. I can learn to communicate or I can learn to condemn. Communicating so far has been the more useful course of action.
  23. When given the choice between love and fear, always choose love. Always. 
  24. I am never alone and I am truly loved. Through my 31 years, I have spent feeling like I am totally alone. When really I just hadn’t found my tribe yet. I’ve always had a family that loved me dearly. I had these friends that I just hadn’t met yet who would get me through the toughest time of my life. They would love me enough to stop enabling, and start empowering. Rather than leaving me at my worst, they stuck through it and had faith. I am one lucky broad to have this small group of friends that I want to take to Disneyland right now so much.
  25. Real love makes you want to be a better person. When you love someone completely. Be it a friend, family member or friend, they bring out the best in you. You see the light that they see in you and you want to be better for them. So I’ve learned to give back love in the best way I can  – being the person they deserve to love. I learned what it was like to love someone’s flaws, the past, present and possibility of the future. I learned to love them even when they broke my heart.
  26. It doesn’t make me less of a person to accept help. It doesn’t make me less of an independent person. I wasn’t just put on this planet to give love, I was also put here to receive it. I learned that perhaps it’s a bigger kindness to let someone buy you dinner rather than taking away their chances to show kindness. I let people be kind to me more often, and oddly people just keep being kinder the more I am open to receiving it.
  27. I learned to not be ashamed of the scars. There is a power to vulnerability that I was always in denial about. I was too stubborn to admit my pain and hurt without conveying it in a way that lashed out to test people to see if they would stay. Suppressing feelings in a box and saying “I’m ok” is fine and dandy until you are using that pain as a weapon. I let myself feel the feelings now. I let myself be honest with people that I am working on myself. There is strength in vulnerability because in that moment you can face your demons head on and deal with them, or you can run and be in denial. Denial was the road I took. And now I choose vulnerability. I’ve been where I’ve been. I’ve done what I’ve done, and every day I’ll get better.
  28. Saying “Thank you” is better for the soul than “I’m sorry”. Don’t get me wrong, I still apologize when I am an asshole. We all know I need to because I can be a big asshole. However, I used to find myself apologizing for the mere action of existing it seemed like. If I cried to someone about what I was going through, I said “I’m sorry” like I was a nuisance to listen to. It’s been an adjustment but I find myself saying “Thank you for being there for me” a whole lot more and not only making people in my life feel more appreciated, but I feel better about myself as a person.  Late for an appointment? “Thank you for your patience!”.
  29. Most importantly I learned to get off the victim couch. It was a nice soft comforting couch. It told me I was always safe there. When I had bad behavior it justified me telling me “it’s ok because those people in the past made you like this”. When I wanted to pick up a bottle I told myself it was ok because of everything I had been through. In a split second, I could blame everyone else for the conflicts and losses in my life.  I could be an asshole to people because… well I was damaged from all these mean people in my life and had to make people fight to love me. This, in turn, made me the asshole. Sitting on the victim couch will always eventually make you the total and complete asshole.  Once I accepted that in some shape or form I attracted everything in my life to me, I felt less anger. I felt like forgiving. I started looking at the mirror more. The realization that I had a part to play in all of these awful experiences gave me a sense of power. My negativity brought more negative into my life or made me assume that good people were bad. Well, looks like I turned into the negative asshole.
    Off the victim couch, into real life. The empowerment that I feel from this I cannot put into words. It changed my world.
  30. I should always try to be a bit more like Willie Nelson.

30 things that I learned in my 30th year. Drawing Journal  turning 30 thirties growth artist blog

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